Midlife and Existential Therapy in Boulder

For when the life you built stops making sense.

Why the middle of life

Jung described the first half of life as the work of building a self that can function in the world: an identity, a role, a place. The second half asks something different. The structures that got you here were built to meet other people's expectations, to survive your family, to earn your place. At some point they stop being enough, and the psyche starts pushing back. James Hollis calls this passage the middle passage, and he describes it not as a breakdown but as a summons.

That doesn't make it comfortable. It usually feels like depression, restlessness, anxiety, or a flatness that won't lift. It can feel like losing faith, in a religion, in a marriage, in your work, or in yourself. But underneath the symptoms there's usually a real question, and it deserves a real answer rather than a quick fix.

What this work isn't

It isn't about talking you out of what you feel, or getting you back to the way things were. The way things were is often part of the problem. It also isn't about blowing up your life. Many people in this passage feel a strong pull toward dramatic change, and sometimes change is needed, but just as often the impulse is a way of skipping the harder work of understanding what's actually being asked. Part of my job is to help you tell the difference.

What the work looks like

We meet weekly, in person in Boulder or online anywhere in Colorado. We pay attention to what's actually happening in your life and underneath it: the patterns you keep repeating, the parts of you that got left behind to make the first half work, the grief that tends to come with all of it. Dreams are often useful here, because the psyche tends to show in images what it can't yet say directly. So is the body, which usually knows something is wrong long before the mind admits it.

This is depth therapy, and it takes time. Not endless time, but more than six sessions and a worksheet. Most people find that the work changes shape as they go: from crisis, to understanding, to slowly building a life that fits who they actually are now.

When ketamine may be part of it

For some people, the old structure holds on so tightly that talk alone struggles to get underneath it. In those cases, ketamine-assisted psychotherapy can be a useful addition, held inside the same ongoing work rather than replacing it. It's not right for everyone, and whether it's medically appropriate is determined by a separate medical evaluation. But it's worth knowing the option exists.

For men in particular

Many of the men I work with come to this passage without much preparation for it. They learned early that their worth came from what they produced, and that most emotions other than anger weren't welcome. When the producing stops feeling like enough, there often isn't much underneath to stand on yet. If that sounds familiar, you may want to read about therapy for men.

Common questions